Fast-Talking Dolphin

"Eric Anderson can't believe his eyes—or his ears! What is a dolphin, a rhyme-talking dolphin, doing in a New England trout pond? Simple. Wallingford Ullingham Lowell, the Third—Wallingford for short—claims he was on his way to a big oceanography conference. Somehow he fell out of his plane into the pond near the Anderson's farm. As Eric and the exasperating Wallingford become friends, Eric's life gets crazier and crazier. Then mean Mr. Benson, who owns the pond, finds out about Wallingford. Can Eric save Wallingford? Will Wallingford ever leave that trout pond alive?"

I'm thinking Shia LaBeouf in the lead role as Eric Anderson and perhaps, oh let's just say Steve Buscemi as that Fast-Talking Dolphin. Come on, Hollywood, clearly if you have time to make Old Dogs, you can spare a million or so to make Fast-Talking Dolphin! Get to work, damnitt! Why not? I came across this gem on my tangerine-color painted childhood bookshelf in the attic. It's such a blatant Flipper meets Look Who's Talking rip-off that I can barely breathe. I've so many questions as to why this book came to be and, more importantly, WHY was I allowed to own it. And how exactly is he "Fast-talking" when the emphasis is clearly on the fact that he rhymes? Author Carson Davidson has a lot of explaining to do. Are there slower-talking, non-rhyming dolphins? Perhaps a Lethargic-Talking, Haiku Dolphin? I'd read THAT book. Just saying, Mr. Davidson. Here's a direct quote from that precocious fast-talking dolphin: "I don't care much for people—they talk all the time. What they say is a bore, and they can't even rhyme."

Up yours, Wallingford.